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Building positive parent partnerships

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Top takeaways

Gorse Academies Trust boss Sir John Townsley suggests that worsening behaviour in schools is the result of “dreadful parents”. Whether you think he’s right or not, the reality is that parents are vital partners in pupil learning, and schools need to get them onside. Meanwhile, Education Secretary Bridget Phillipson has declared that the forthcoming White Paper will ensure that families “can be clear what they should expect from schools, and that schools can be clear on what they can expect from parents too.” So, building positive parent relationships is key – and it can start now.

We consider some top tips for working with parents and carers in order to establish collaborative and trusting partnerships. Keep in mind that parents may not always have had a good experience of school themselves, or may be facing challenges in their own lives. How might that affect their interactions with you? 

How much of a problem do we have?

In March 2024, the NAHT reported that more than four in five (82%) school leaders said that parents had abused them in the past year. Verbal abuse was the most common form of abuse suffered, followed by threatening behaviour, online abuse and discriminatory language. One in 10 (10%) suffered physical violence.  Many teachers and leaders have expressed concerns and say they don't feel safe. While not universal, this is a problem that needs addressing.

A listening culture – getting it right from the start 

Focus on building strong, trusting relationships with parents and carers from the start. Let them know that their views are both welcome and valued. Get to know your families through those incidental conversations at the gate and around the school. 

Be relentlessly warm and polite, and open to feedback. Send home regular praise about their children’s conduct and performance. 

Honest conversations

Difficult conversations are usually better in person, so aim for a face-to-face meeting if possible. In fact, let’s call them ‘honest conversations’ and not presume difficulty! 

  • Try to avoid email – a brief in-person conversation saves time and builds trust. 
  • If you have a family liaison officer, invite them along too, but avoid having too many people in the room. 
  • If you think the parent might become aggressive, have a member of staff on standby.
  • Hold the meeting in a neutral, private and welcoming space – the headteacher’s office may seem a bit threatening.
  • Have a clear framework for the meeting (an agenda) as this helps the parent to keep pace. Make sure this is available in advance – we want to minimise surprises. 
  • Make it clear from the outset that you are working with the parent to solve the problem.

Following up 

Remember, the focus of any honest conversation is to reach agreement and draw a line under it. For this reason, following up with the parent or carer is essential.

  • Thank the parents/carers for their views and openness.
  • Summarise the outcomes of the meeting and any agreed actions resulting.
  • Set a date for a follow-up meeting, but explain that, if they have any concerns, they can come back to you at any time.
  • Tell them that you're always ready to listen and open to any future feedback.

Managing a complaint

Sadly, no matter how much effort is made to keep this understated and relaxed, it doesn't always resolve the issue, and the parent may choose to make a formal complaint.

Managing complaints can be costly in terms of time and resources, as well as stressful for the staff involved. So how can you make the process as painless as possible, for all concerned?

A complaint may be about the incident at the centre of the issue, or it may be about the way that the matter was handled in the first place. A formal complaint needs to be properly investigated – the parent will expect nothing less. So, it is important that the investigating officer has not been connected with the matter at all and therefore can act independently. It therefore makes a lot of sense if this role is handed to a governor – not necessarily the chair – or a trustee.

The investigating officer should produce a report detailing what has happened, how the matter has been dealt with and whether, in their opinion, the issues are resolved. This report needs to be frank and fair and follow these lines.

  • Explain the independence of the investigating officer.
  • Is the report fair?
  • Is it full? 
  • Is it proportionate and appropriate?
  • Is it timely? 
  • Has the investigation remained confidential?
  • Were any barriers in place that prevented a full investigation?

What can schools do to maintain and sustain good relationships?

Schools that manage relationships with parents and students well make sure that the views of parents and carers are valued, heeded and always act on concerns as soon as they are identified. For example, a student joining Year 7 in a large secondary school leaves behind the security and certainty of their primary school and may well demonstrate considerable anxiety. The good school will look for these signs, listen to a concerned parent and take steps to help. 

All of this can be very time-consuming but it will save resources and effort in the long run. For example, that anxious Year 7 student may turn into a school refuser if the school doesn’t offer appropriate support. 

Transitions between school phases are key hotspots for a child’s anxiety and, for this reason, it helps to have a staff member who is able to follow up and act on concerns.  This could be a role for the head of year, the SENCO or the family liaison officer. By listening and acting, the school immediately gains the trust of the parent or carer. Ignoring it and expecting things to get better is not good enough. Ideally, this culture becomes embedded in the school.

Questions for reflection and action

Building positive relationships with parents and carers is key to ongoing success and support in the community.  How well does your school do, whether it is nursery, primary or secondary?

  • Do we really listen to parents?
    • How do we know?
    • Are all our staff aware?
    • Are there any training needs?
  • How well do we explain our expectations?
    • Do we use language that everyone will understand? 
    • Is our messaging consistent? 
    • Do we give our parents /carers time to follow up on anything they have misunderstood?
    • How well do we plan and prepare our open evenings?
  • Are all stakeholders aware of how important this is?
    • SLT
    • Teachers
    • Support staff
    • Governors / Trustees
    • Parents and carers

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